I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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