Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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