ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize