My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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