did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
honey bunches of taint.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
whose parrot is this?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize