Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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