fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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