New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
