just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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