oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
