HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
