You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
