If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
