I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
