I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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