That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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