she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
