You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
