Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
