You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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