Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
