I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
