I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
