I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
