How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
