I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
