Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
