The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize