So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize