I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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