I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
