My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
