Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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