vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
