I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
