he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
