yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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