Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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