I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I look better un-naked...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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