didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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