In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
