is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
