you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
