How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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