Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize