And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
