PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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