i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
