even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
