There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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