I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
