I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
