I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
