I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The power of my boobs compel you
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