The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
