Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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