shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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