is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize