just tell him i said nine months
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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