I puked a lego.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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