Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
