Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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