Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
