Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
