Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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