WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
