The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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