sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
