yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize