you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
