who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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