Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
