I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I cockslap morals
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
