he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
