Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
