i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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