he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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