You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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