I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize