i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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