We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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