Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
