my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
